I don't realize that in a friendship lies big compassion until I found these groups. As a Solonese girl who lives in a small city, I always make friends with other Solonese fellows. However growing up, I met people outside Java. I also challenged myself to meet people outside the country. It has been an amazing journey to befriend with people from different backgrounds. I see many unthinkable things become possible. Here are some behaviour comparison between Indonesian circle friends and foreigners friends
1. Physical touch
Foreigners, especially from Western countries, give more affection through a physical act like hug or cheek-kiss. Whenever you meet and say goodbye to them, they will hug you as a greeting sign. However, commonly Indonesians are quite awkward to hug each other. They will shake hand to everyone. In the Western point of view, shaking hand between friends is a too formal way for greeting them. It's like a business meeting act. Meanwhile, Indonesians think a hug is too affectionate like couple seeing each other. I can say that Indonesians prefer showing love verbally to physically.
2. Hanging out agreement
Foreigners are serious to arrange hanging out together with friends. They rare make hangout planning as just a word. They really mean it as something to do together sometime. If they can't make it now, they will find an alternative to make it someday. In another hand, I feel like Indonesians are easy to forget hangout plan even they are easy to cancel such an arrangement. As Indonesians myself, I don't know the reason why. Perhaps, Indonesians are paying attention more to an academic prestige? So, they are asked accidentally by society to always study and take a test? Don't you think? Hahaha
Subhi Taha tweeted "there's a big difference between making time for someone & making someone fit your time" yesterday. I do agree. In this case, this is not only about culture factor anymore, but this is also a character matter. Let's make time for someone we love. I feel more appreciated to a friend who can make time for me.
3. On-time meeting
In every agenda we arrange, foreigners, especially from Western countries, tend to come on time or if it is late it is just about 15 minutes from planned time maximally. If it is more than that, they consider they are late and they say sorry. Isa, my American friend, told me why. "I think because we (American especially New Yorkers) see time as an important thing. We are more likely to do everything fast not chill like here." She said that after knowing that Indonesians can spend an hour sitting and talking after dining in the restaurant. Meanwhile, I don't find a reason to tell here how Indonesians spend time. You know yourself, don't you? We are very chill and relax especially in a smaller city like Solo. We love to hang out for more than 4 hours doing the same thing.
4. Chit-chatting skill
For some foreigners, it's very easy to talk to new people. I mean, they always have a topic to bring to the table. Thus, there are usually new people in our hangout session appeared from out of nowhere. "This is my friend from X, this is my friend from Y." bla bla bla. They try to avoid an awkward moment by starting asking questions. We are suddenly engaged to several topics such as personal things, economics, politics, cultural, entertainment, travel recommendation, so on and so forth. The reason will be very stereotyping (but this is what I'm doing here basically) anyway, Javanese doesn't like expressing their true feeling. The true feeling here refers to sadness, disappointment, or annoyance. Being genuine is not our way to be polite. Being polite means being soft, smiley, and people's happiness. So, Javanese tend to block themselves to express their pissed feeling just because to make everyone happy. Sometimes, it brings more harm than good. From other people, Javanese will be considered as shy while for us this is politeness. It's good to make friends with other Javanese because I can express whatever my feelings are right now without being judged as a rude girl or kind of so.
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| Adulting message: make friends as much as possible and sustain best friends as often as possible |
In short, I see intercultural friendship as a way to practice true open-mindedness. I do not need to believe my friends' custom, idea, or principle but it is good to know them. It is good to share my view on something to them as well. We are not following each other's value. Eventually, we know we are different so that we embrace our characters more.
Cheers to more diversity and its beauty of understanding other people's shoes.
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PS: I realize that I make too many generalizations of only some examples out of million and million existence in the universe as well as stereotyping. Don't take this thing as a piece of advice. Consider this only to increase your knowledge bank.
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