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| Pijar Ladies: Sibuk vs Produktif | 11 Desember 2021 |
"You're a motivator."
Wow. This direct speech from my student hits me differently. She said it in one of my in-person lessons. We were talking about future jobs. To be really honest, the motivator label is hard. I'd be pleased if someone calls me a teacher than a motivator, yet I am aware that motivation is part of the educational agenda.
My work with community service has pushed me to go out from comfort zone. What I meant by comfort zone is the state to be doing only what I have understood. By now, I also realized that I have been being prepared to be someone who can influence and move others to join a certain mission. I really understand that values on which I believe may make someone's life distinctly different.
However, tho, from a genuine "motivator's" perspective, staying motivated is hard. Is this the feeling when suddenly toxic positivity slapped me hard? When you must pretend that you're okay in front of so many people. Thankfully, I always have writing on my back. I amazingly realize that this is my coping mechanism.
Warning! As the following will be the worst healing dump that you have ever possibly read in your life.
Back to my discussion, I had never dreamed to speak in front of people, let alone being a public speaker. Umm, no! I think I hadn't been very well-informed yet at that moment. I always imagined myself working on TV reading news or interviewing people. Normal reporter or TV journalist things. I also had a fantasy to work in a radio broadcasting studio announcing a certain program. Back then, I had already known the media I considered to be working on. Little did I know that this broadcasting world would impact me and others (not yet) quite big.
Moving on to my concern, this is about the internal impact on myself. In my view, these motivational talks come two to tango. Both my expectation and reality should go in line, I supposed. Both what I said and what I did are exclusively mutual. Both my preach and my practice are linear.
Cases are I am so suddenly trapped into trouble in the topic I had delivered. For example, I delivered about being on time is important and life once met me circumstances to examine if the concept I had preached the other day has been practiced or not yet. Well, on the other side, I become more aware, yes. I become more mindful, yet I began to think that 'I should have done better.', 'You can not make mistakes. People may talk behind your back.', or 'You should be as perfect as possible.'
It ain't true. I know that fear is nonsense, but fear is fear. Not gonna lie.
Second of all, it's hard to pretend that we are flawless, right? Humans do make mistakes. I was just afraid of how people rejected me because of a dirty nod I did in the past compared to a gazillion kindness I gave. Oh, is this a cancel culture? That's why now I am firm to making this blog my go-to-vulnerable image.
I preached to myself that it's not the best deal to expect on the human being. However, the point of this writing is a coping mechanism. I'll just write everything that comes up on my head to empty my emotional burden.
It's very ruthless if people judge us by the past. Feel like we don't deserve any better future. On my side, it's very hard to really mind only my present business. To really pay attention to what we have in front of our eyes NOW. It's the nature of human beings. It's always "the grass is always greener on the other side."
Well, there are indeed a lot of challenges to being a public speaker. The opportunities also may weigh the drawback. It depends on our self-control, I guess. Let me put the biggest part of how far being a public speaker may take you. This is the best platform to improve me. Allah had said in the Quran that "Indeed, Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves." (QS Ar-Ra'd: 11)
The Tafseer from this verse is that Allah is the ar-Rahman. He will love every single human being by spreading His blessing and love. If we feel that life is full of hardships, Allah had said that we have wrongly "ghoyyiruu" (change) ourselves from a good state into a worse state because of our own fault. Let me repeat: because of our own fault. The ways to wrong ourselves are committed to sins and to not obey Allah's ruling. Those two will make us tear apart just like birds without their wings.
To sum up, it's crystal clear that being a motivator comes with challenges and opportunities. However, something that I need to keep in mind is people expect you to do or to be something sublime, but you may always control yourself not to meet someone's else expectations but yours.
With so much confusion,
Fanaya
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